Do you really know what boundaries truly are?

Understanding & Recognising Boundaries

Boundaries: In simple terms, boundaries are about two key things: ‘what you create and what you allow’

Think of "what you create" as setting your own ground rules, like defining your personal values, goals, or how you expect others to treat you.

“Boundaries: ‘What you create and what you allow’”

And then there's "what you allow" – it's about what you're okay with or not. It's about recognising and accepting what's acceptable and what's not in your relationships and environments.

So, when we talk about boundaries, it's really about finding that balance between setting limits and sticking to them to keep things healthy and in check.

The challenge is we often don’t really ‘create’ and therefore we don’t have a full understanding of what we will ‘allow’.

A Lack of Boundaries: As a coach, I've witnessed firsthand how lacking boundaries can cause overwhelm, resentment, and emotional strain. I've felt it myself. A lack of boundaries has a cascade effect on confidence damaging your relationship with yourself, colleagues, clients, family, friends…why? Brene Brown’s research highlights the whys well:

  1. Number one reason we struggle with boundaries is the fear of making people angry, disappointing them, or not being liked - a bit of people-pleasing!

  2. Plus, a lack of skills in setting boundaries and communicating them effectively or put another way so we don’t sound selfish or unlikeable, again our fear of not being liked weighs heavy on us. I am going to give you a pass, we don’t flex this skill often enough to be good at it though do we?

What have you allowed because you don’t want to come to appear too boring, too strict, too controlling or the baddie?

Quick Reflective Exersize

  • Consider the outcome of not setting the boundary and see for yourself if it was worth the perceived gains of people pleasing or avoiding disappointing on energy, well-being, and overall satisfaction and your leadership position?

Do you really know what boundaries truly are?

Clearing Up Boundaries Misconceptions

In conversations about boundaries, we often focus on the strength of saying no, but let's not forget their empowerment is also to say yes – to how we spend personal time, to the direction of our professional pursuits, and what we need from the relationships around us.

Building on what we learnt from Brene Brown’s work lets clear up any misunderstanding of boundaries:

“Boundaries are the lines and limits you create between yourself and other people. They allow you to define what is acceptable and healthy for you in your relationships.”

Common Misconceptions About Boundaries:

  1. Setting Boundaries is Selfish:

    Reality: It's an act of self-respect and care, ensuring our well-being to be our best selves for others.

  2. Setting Boundaries is Just Saying No:

    Reality: It involves saying yes to what aligns with our values and priorities, helping us focus on what matters.

  3. Setting Boundaries is Telling Someone What to Do:

    Reality: It's about defining our limits, not controlling others, to maintain respectful interactions.

  4. Boundaries are One Size Fits All:

    Reality: They're personal and vary, tailored to our unique needs and circumstances.

Let's explore your boundaries over the past week with an exercise. Download the details below to get started.

  • Add a short summary or a list of helpful resources here.