Module 1: What are Personal Boundaries?
The purpose of boundaries is give us freedom to be ourselves
Boundaries: Require our attention to impliment & sustain them
The Invisible Line
What makes the invisible line more visible is our behaviours towards ourselves and others - those interactions are were boundaries are built or crumble; implementing boundaries and maintaining them does however take some management, but the cost of not managing as we have identified far out weights putting some effort in.
7 Tips To Setting Boundaries
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1. Start Small
If you don’t have many boundaries in place already, the prospect of introducing more might seem overwhelming — so build them up slowly.
Doing so allows you to take things at a more comfortable pace, and it provides time to reflect on whether it’s heading in the right direction or if you need to make some tweaks
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2. Be Consistent
Letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations and demands among those around you.
Try keeping things consistent and steady. This helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, and it ensures those lines remain clearly established.
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3. Be Open & Share
Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions need not be confrontational. The key is to be assertive. This means being firm – but not aggressive – about your own rights, needs and boundaries, while considering those of others. When you're assertive, you get your point across firmly and fairly, but with empathy. Here are some key phrases to try out…
What does being assertive sound like?
“I’m not comfortable with this”
“I can’t do that for you”
“This is not acceptable”
“Please don’t… I am finding this…”
“This doesn’t work for me.”
“I’m drawing the line at …”
“Not at this time. ”
“I’ve decided not to.”
“I don’t want to do that.”
“I’d appreciate it, if you would listen to my opinion on this.”
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4. No Means No
An essential part of this is to practice saying "no," politely but firmly. Many people find this hard. After all, we are social animals, and we like to be liked, and useful to others.
But if you say "yes" to everything, you risk not having enough time to do anything properly. You also risk not working on the things that are truly important, and you'll end up feeling used or frustrated. Far better to say "no" more often, and to concentrate on meeting your needs.4. No Means No
An essential part of this is to practice saying "no," politely but firmly. Many people find this hard. After all, we are social animals, and we like to be liked, and useful to others.
But if you say "yes" to everything, you risk not having enough time to do anything properly. You also risk not working on the things that are truly important, and you'll end up feeling used or frustrated. Far better to say "no" more often, and to concentrate on meeting your needs.
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5. Manage Your Time
Effective time management is another crucial element of boundary-setting. When you put all your energy into one thing, without taking time for both your work and personal responsibilities, you risk overloading yourself. With good time management, you can get things done more efficiently and effectively.
Skills such as prioritization, delegation and scheduling can help you to allocate your time and energy more wisely.
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6. Be Your Biggest Champion
For boundaries to have a strong foundation, you need to show yourself a bit of love, it doesn’t take much to start to have an encouraging mindset that supports what your needs are, remember I have the right to have a mindset that supports me, this statement can challenge the internal dialogue that makes you feel guilt and shame and moves it to a more deserving space.
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7. Don’t Be Tempted To Apologise
You are not doing anything wrong by setting and enforcing your boundaries, so there is no need to apologize. Doing so just makes it appear like you feel guilty about needing to feel safe and happy in your own space.
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Pause moment:
> How would it be like to allow someone to hold a less than favourable opinion of your working style, parenting, relationship or choice in a partner? To listen. Not react. To breath & say; ‘that’s an opinion, I do not see it that way. This however is not up for debate here. I would appreciate it now if this is not discussed further.’ We’re working towards this!
CREATING A BOUNDARY
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Set Boundaries
This is a big step, it’s now time to build on what we have learnt and developed over the 5 modules and set boundaries in place.
Aim: To test out new-found knowledge & skills
Why: To experience setting boundaries that stick
How: Set three boundaries that support & honour your goals and desires.
What you need: Pen, paper & your notes from modules 3, 4 & 5
Here’s How…
Take your sweet time, there is no rush
Get clear about which boundaries you’d like to start with based on your rights identified. Remember start small, but I would encourage you to find at least one boundary that enables you to feel more comfortable and safe.
Write down: What I require is…(fill the gap in with what the rights allow you to challenge, really think about what you learnt from where boundaries do not work for you and the cost on your own well=being)
Give yourself permission to ask for what you want or respond with what you do not want; it’s time to get assertive. If you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved. Write out (bullet points, longhand, ideas) what you’d like to say.
Say it out loud, yep I’m asking you to practice saying out loud what you would like, I encourage you to do this in front of the mirror. We are developing skills here for life, so feeling a bit daft for a few mins is worth it.
Remember behaviours speak loudly and reinforce your intention. Present your boundaries clearly to people and then let your behaviour do the talking. People will test, push, and disrespect your limits. You'll know you're getting healthier when this doesn't get an emotional reaction out of you. When your boundaries are your core beliefs, you will not get riled up if you are tested. Again, scope out on paper what behaviours you believe support / reinforce your boundary. Use the insight gained from watching Netflix shows.
You’ve completed it…now it’s time to try out what you have developed for real…ready?
To Finish Up
How would life be different from setting these personal boundaries?
Who else would benefit from personal boundaries being in place
How will you know you have achieved them?
How will you know if you need to adjust them?
How confident are you in setting this boundary? Can you give it a score: scale: 1 low - 10 super high
What or who could get in the way?
CREATING A BOUNDARY
It’s time to make personal boundaries less invisible this exercise will enable you to develop some boundaries to test out what it feels like to maintain them.